Gathering a Mental Health Toolkit (before you need it)
by darin hollingsworth
Featured in vol 7 issue 3: healing
What happens when you have worked all your life to build a coping skills toolkit and then the toolkit seems to disappear?
Much of my adult life, I have managed my mental health – grief, depression, and anxiety – with a variety of tools. At times, the support and encouragement of good friends and family has been enough. Being attentive to my nutrition and physical health and fitness has been stabilizing. Sometimes the journey has required the assistance of professionals – various good therapists and medical providers who were adept in working with me to medicate when necessary or just help me stay committed to therapy.
Additionally, I have read and studied some of the greatest teachers and thought leaders in mental health, positive psychology, personal development, and gratefulness. My toolkit is full. I even shared many of my tools with others. I have coached executives and spoken to organizations to share insights about my tools and how I use them.
In late May of 2018, it was as if my toolkit vanished.
I was under the care of a good therapist and nurse practitioner managing some ongoing depression and anxiety issues. I had a pretty consistent gratitude practice blended with some meditation and other tools that were keeping me functional – helping me to survive. I was surviving, albeit not thriving. I was committed to my career and worked for a mission that was inspiring and kept me focused. I had friends and family near and far who were walking alongside me on the journey.
On May 31, 2018, mental health turned to mental health crisis – a disabling illness that caused me to shut down, uproot my world, and keep me off work for nearly six months.
Where was my toolkit? The things that had worked seemed to abruptly stop working or disappear. They were there and ultimately, after many months, I found them again. It just took lots of effort and support because I just could not see them and had zero motivation to access them.
The things that had worked seemed to abruptly stop working or disappear. The diagnoses – depression, anxiety, and ultimately posttraumatic stress – took a while to clarify and because they did not occur overnight, they take a while to heal. For people like me who live with mental health issues and mental illness, when I am struggling, it can be hard to reach for the toolkit. Minimally, it is like having a headache and not taking anything for it. It may pass, but it may get worse before it gets better. But unlike a headache, mental illness is hard to talk about.
There is no quick or easy treatment. There is stigma. There is blame. There is anger. There is shame. There is guilt. I mean, I was working for an organization that is saving children from deadly diseases and those kids and their parents are strong.
My inner dialogue was, “Why am I struggling to just hold it together and not just ‘get over it’? It’s ‘just some stress and anxiety’ that I’m dealing with.” That was my self-talk, on many days before my crisis and during my journey back to health.
Like cancer or heart disease, mental health and mental illness have debilitating and devastating effects if left untreated.
Just as cancer and heart disease or chronic illness like diabetes can be difficult to diagnose, mental illnesses and their symptoms are hard to articulate, especially when you don’t even feel like discussing the challenges with your healthcare provider.
Thankfully, I found my toolkit and was able to dig back into it. I will reiterate that there is no one practice or easy fix on the road to recovery from mental illness or to maintain one’s mental health.
In the following pages are some of the tools that I think are important to gather before you need them! Finding them tucked away and nearby, having used them during the better days, is so much easier than going out and trying to find them when you are already in crisis. You know, you may have a workout bag that you take to the gym or it may be in the trunk of your car or a closet. Keep these tools somewhere within reach.
Do you have some of these tools at your fingertips for when you need them? You’ll notice a theme of practicing. To get good at using any tool, or exercise, or talent, you need to practice. Did I use all of these tools every day? Probably not. And certainly not when I was in crisis. But having a variety of options ultimately
served me well.
Practice Gratitude
I was taught from a very young age to write thank you notes. Little did I know that the foundation of gratefulness inspired and encouraged (sometimes required) by my parents would become a foundational value in my life and work.
Gratitude is a BIG shifter. It does not make negative things go away and should not be used to mask negative emotions. Bad things happen. Mental health crises happen. I don’t have to be grateful for the death of a loved one or a setback in my professional life. What I can be grateful for is the people who surround me and support me in those difficult times in life and work. Maybe I can be grateful for something I learned during the process.
There are so many ways to practice gratitude. Make a list – morning or night. Starting your day with a sense of gratitude for personal things and things at work can set you up for a shift from negative thinking. Similarly, ending your day with journaling or a list of good things that happened that day can help you shift from work to home or help you get a better night's sleep.
Some great resources can be found at Gratefulness.org,The Science of Happiness podcast, Greater Good magazine, and the Grateful app for your iPhone.
Practice Meditation or Mindfulness or Prayer
I have to find a way that works for me to stop the endless chatter in my mind. Via a blend of meditation and mindfulness and thoughtful, thankful prayer, even for brief periods of time,I can find focus and strength –centering and grounding. These tools have been particularly helpful to calm the mind and ease some of the symptoms of anxiety.Even if I just get clarity to remove myself from a situation for a few minutes to take a mindful walk or focus on being kind to someone else, these tools help. Again, I use an app: Calm.
Practice Kindness
At my best, when I am volunteering or helping a friend or colleague, I can shift focus and cultivate emotions that help to offset negativity. When time is limited, simple acts of kindness and intentional acts of kindness also make a huge difference in perspective. A hobby has also helped. As of July 2020 (a pandemic hobby was born), I now paint kindness rocks to hide at local parks or public places or share with groups that serve various people who need a little encouragement.
Practice Communicating
This may be one of the hardest practices or hardest tools to use. Whether communicating openly with a friend, family member, therapist, or healthcare provider, the important thing is keep talking. This has to be in place before a depressive episode starts. Surround yourself with people and resources that you trust and that affirm you. Also, when you find your own health, being available to others who are struggling can be helpful. Listening was sometimes the thing that I needed most.
Practice Being Active
The last thing I wanted to do when depression and anxiety took me into a downward spiral was workout. Thankfully, at the time I lived on the 4th floor of an apartment building with no elevator. I was a half-mile from my subway stop. So I got at least a modicum of activity. Better still would have been if I had maintained my yoga practice or had I been committed to a cardio regimen. Did I mention this is a journey and wherever you find yourself in your level of activity, KEEP MOVING! Between phones and wearable fitness devices, there are many tools out there to help with this. Find one that works for you.
Practice Good Nutrition
In the grip of the crisis, I lived on instant mac ‘n’ cheese microwavable food. Not my best choice. As my health returned, I realized even more that there are certain food and beverages that I have to be more mindful about. Fueling the body impacts body chemistry (and medication effectiveness) and on the most basic level, mental and physical health is about chemistry. Sugar and alcohol were not my best choices during this time.
Practice Savoring
Much like taking inventory of the things for which you are grateful, a practice of savoring the good things that happen helps to build a foundation for the future. We know what savoring food or wine looks like. But we don’t always savor experiences or accomplishments. Part of this practice is looking for the good things. Once you have identified two or three things, think about how they made you feel. Think about how you helped bring those things to your life. Consider the ways you might recreate the experience. The Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkley has a great site called Greater Good In Action. It offers a number of different practices that can help.
Practice Taking Care of Yourself
As mentioned before, talking with your healthcare provider is key. Help them get to know you when you are feeling well, which will help them identify issues when a crisis arises. Take your medication as instructed. See your therapist. For those of us in "helping professions" or who seek to be servant leaders or just enjoy helping friends, family and co-workers, you cannot overflow into the lives of others if you do not keep yourself full.
Practice Gathering the Tools that Work for You
There are many more tools and resources available. What has worked for you? What has worked for others in your community? Read and test them and practice them. If they work for you, share them with others. If they don’t, keep looking. Help and hope are available. Work on your courage and vulnerability. Ask for help.
Another great resource is the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. They have research and resources that may be helpful for you, a friend, a family member or a coworker.
Finally, if you find yourself or someone you love in a serious mental health crisis or mental illness emergency, call 800-273-8255 or text TALK to 741741. If you or someone you know is in danger of harming themselves, call 911 immediately.
DARIN HOLLINGSWORTH has had a thriving career as a financial advisor, a sales professional, a senior fundraising professional and a non-profit executive.Now via executive and philanthropy coaching, Darin is passionate about helping successful professionals realize and exceed their personal and professional potential.
